On popular demand, I’m updating my ever popular post, Hans Papia Hans .
This is a collection of Goan Jokes I’ve come across, and I’ve been requested by many to provide a translation, and maybe a little insight into the jokes, for those who aren’t goan, and who don’t know Konkani.
This is a slow process, but here goes nothing. Slow and steady :)
Editors NOTE: Contains a LOT of Konkani :)
JOKE 1: A case of Language crisis.
Crispino Fernandes from Benaulim was making a train journey from Goa to
Mumbai for the very first time. He got into the unreserved section of the
train at Vasco station and kept his luggage which consisted of two big Goan
market bags covered by two mats (Konkani: shendri’s) on the seat opposite.
At Margao station a whole load of men rushed into the compartment in a mad rush to find seats for the long journey.
One man sees Crispin’s bags occupying a prime seat and asks loudly,
Vo mats kiska hai? (Whose Mats are these??)
[Ed:- Note the usage of 3 Languages, Konkani,English and Hindi. Lots of Indians live in Goa and pick up konkani pretty quickly. They end up amalgamating their talk into Eng-Kon-Di].
Crispin mutters politely,
The man gives him a disgusted angry look and commands,
Kheeencho! [Ed:- Hindi, Pull (it)]
Geoncheo! (I’m from Goa.)
[Ed:- Crispin misunderstands the word to be the konkani word which means where are you from.]
JOKE 2: Goan cliche’s
- No matter where you go in the world you will find another goan named D’Costa, D’Mello, D’Souza, Fernandes, Monteiro or Rodrigues.
[Ed:- Common Goan catholic surnames, originally portuguese, these stand out against the typical Indian names.]
- You have six middle names, most of which you can’t pronounce.
[Ed:- Another Goan Catholic custom, middle names are used as reverence to the House saint, or the favorite uncle/aunt,grandparent, etc.]
- You have annoying nicknames like Petus, Babush (or Busha), Bostiao, Forsulo or Popot!
- You are really confused if you are Portuguese.. heaven forbid Indian!
[Ed:- Goans exhibit a weird confused sort of racism.]
- You call everybody who is brown and not goan “bintakar” and make fun of them in konkani.
[Ed:- Bintakar - Peanut seller, usually poor non-goan labourers trying to eke out a living on Goan beaches.]
- You interject “what”, “man”, and “re”(pronounced: ray) in every line of your conversation.
- You show you are listening to the conversation by saying “really?!” or “what youre saying”(man..)
- You call an older person you’ve never met before “uncle” or “auntie” and everyone is a family friend.
[Ed:- Goan's are very warm people and would invite anyone and everyone home for a cuppa sorro(liquour).]
- One club is not enough to cater to 10 goans.
- Your family is fighting over property they inherited from someone else. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn’t talk with her for 10 years.
[Ed:- Family drama is a way of life in goa.]
- You think you can sing.
[Ed:- Universal phenomenon, a bit more pronounced in Goa.]
- You make tea in a saucepan.
- You eat onions with everything.
- You get excited when king fish is mentioned.
[Ed:- Understandbly, Goans love sea food. Proximity to the sea.]
- You eat last night’s curry the next morning.
[Ed:- Popular myth says that curry tastes better the next morning as it marinates better]
- You call mangoes by Portuguese names.
- You see pictures of the Caribbean and you say it’s just like Goa.
- You get very upset when the airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is 40 lbs overweight.
- You go back to Goa and people treat you like a member of the royal family.[Ed:- A LOT of Goans are settled in many parts of the world, more notably The middle east,Canada, UK and Australia]
- You are comfortable going back for a holiday in May just to sample the mangoes, jackfruits, cantons, bibes, and the miscut.
- You wash your butt quickly when you hear the pig grunting.
[Ed:- This one's only for the Goans ;) ;)]
Joke 3: Goans and Gossip
First Goan Girl: What men! Not talking? Become big or what?
Second Goan Girl: Why you told her that I told you about Perpet going to movie with Pilot?
First Goan Girl: Told foo men? Ah that Concessao? But I told her not to tell annnnnnybody that you told me.
[Ed: foo, the word who, as it's pronounced in the Goan manner.]
Second Goan Girl: I doesn’t care what you told her. She told me not to tell you that I know that you told her!
First Goan Girl: Let’s go fast fast and ask her if I told her not to tell anyone or what.
[Ed;- fast fast, Goans double the word for emphasis, For Eg, your mother or aunt urging you to eat more , Eat Eat!]
Second Goan Girl: Where she bees at this time?
First Goan Girl: Evening she bees at library. You know she is friendly with that fellow Johnny no? It sims he told her that he is interested in becoming friendly to her.
[Ed:- becoming friendly, Goan lingo for dating.]
Second Goan Girl: Ya men?? I didn’t know only.
First Goan Girl: And what men, she bees a chiku and he bees a banana!
[Ed:- Another Goan favorite, replacing seemingly benign words to supposedly difficult ones.]
Second Goan Girl: Shee what you saying dirty things men?
[Ed:- Shee, Goan exclamation for Yuck.]
First Goan Girl: Arre not dirty go….saiba bhogosh…. Chiku, C for
Chardo. Banana, B for Brahmin. How they can becoming interested together
like this men? I don’t know only..
[Ed:- Chardo = Kshatriya Caste ; Brahmin = Priest Caste . Since the Goan Catholics were converts from Hinduism, they've still maintained the caste system, this is considered a delicate topic of conversation, but there are still undercurrents of it in everyday life.]
Second Goan Girl: Shee Shee! Come fast let’s tell Mariquin and Estrelin!
Joke 3: Case of mistaken pronunciation
A friend of mine was conducting an interview,
“Whui ravta re tu?” (Where do you live?)
“Khaddyan bab!” (In a ditch! sir)
Astonished, my friend looked up his details, the man’s given address was Khadde,Bali,Quepem,Goa.
[Ed:- Konkani conjugation was the cause of all the confusion.]